Raging Procrastination and All The Stuffs Up Until Nao

Sooooooo, how YOU 'doin?

Yeah, it's been like 5 months since I last posted ~ aka almost half a year. Ugh.  What could I have possibly been doing?! Honestly, I don't have an excuse. I would get home, change, eat, play with Isa, then promptly watch anime, read manga, or just dump 5 - 6 hours of my evening into playing the WoW beta or, recently, Diablo 3. Amazing time sinks, the both of them, in case you didn't know already. But I CHOSE to do those things so, like I said, I have no excuse.

I could have happily continued to do those things and not have touched this blog for another 5 months but you know what got me off my ass? Not the guilt from neglecting my own project (though it has been gnawing at the back of my brain like a mouse gnawing on cheese - old, crusty cheese). Not the fact that a friend of mine (Slife/Joe) updates his blog almost every Monday like he said he would while I just flail/fail about. Not the fact that I have a growing collection of photos that I've promised I'd post but haven't, thereby becoming a lying liar that lies. No, good people, the thing that propelled...nay, compelled me to write this evening was this sight...which neatly segues into this installment's sponsor from the WTF category:

A street-side advertisement for Brazilian waxing...

In case the glare made you miss it, here's a close-up..

So, how could I NOT write about this?! This gorram, Brazilian-flag-tattoo-on-his-chest-having bear not only has a neatly trimmed landing strip, he also has a euro speedo tan, folks. Furthermore, for some reason, his bear junk casts a shadow on the ground that looks like a woman's heeled ankle boot. This right here is all sorts of win. So, you can thank this well-trimmed bear for making me update my blog. Why he's doing a high-kick, I don't know. Presumably he's very proud of his accoutrements. I mean, look at that belligerently smug expression. All I can say is that this bear is committed. He obviously "Kelly Clarkson!!!!"'-ed his way through a full-body wax since that little patch is all that's left of his glorious bear fur. Maybe I'm reading too much into this.


Moving on. Incredibly, I've been here for almost a year now and I can say that I've successfully compiled a short but very potent list of things that I would rather not see anymore while in Korea (or anywhere, for that matter). This is where I blatantly get all judgmental and opinionated about things out of my control...otherwise known as "Tuesday." I will call this list, simply: KOREA, JUST STOP IT!!


1.) Wearing acid-washed everything

As you've seen from a previous post, technology-wise Korea is ahead of us. They have so many things that make life more convenient that it has made me think to myself, more than a few times, that we have a lot of catching up to do. But, in the fashion arena, for some reason they still haven't gotten the memo about acid-washed jean textiles. So not only do some wear acid-washed jeans, but they wear acid-washed jackets with said acid-washed jeans.This is not to be mistaken for some ill-attempt at retro-ironic-chic. This is just "Hey, acid-washed is cool and I'm gonna be stylin'!!!" I have seen acid-washed jeans, jackets, tees, and tanks and sometimes they are worn in combination. This is OKAY, I suppose, if you have a specific purpose for this style. A magazine shoot, perhaps, detailing a retrospective on fashion trends. But not okay if you're buying your Sunday groceries with your 4 kids in tow, thinking you're the greatest gift to hipness.

2.) Wearing skinny jeans, GUYS!

You've seen my post about how skinny the girls are here and how their legs are rail thin; like twigs I can snap by sneezing. Well, unbelievably, most of the guys here have even skinnier legs than the girls. Hard to imagine but it's sadly true. I've only seen a few boys/men with muscle-y legs. I don't even need to see legs akin to those of tennis pro Michael Chang. I would just like them to have SOME meat on their bones. On top of this travesty, these same guys like to slap skinny jeans on top of their sad appendages. Here's a news break: That makes it worse!  You know what's even better? When they pour themselves into acid-washed skinny jeans. Double threat.

3.) Perming your young son's hair


Moms here are somehow stuck in the 70's/80's and believe that men with wavy hair are swoon-worthy. I wouldn't mind so much if they kept that to themselves but they play this out vicariously through their 4 to11 year old sons whom they force to get perms. One 10 year old student of mine came to class with his hoodie well over his face. When I asked him to pull it down, he shook his head in vehement refusal. I knew something was wrong because he was always a well-behaved and obedient child up until that moment. I took him out of class to ask him if something had happened at school or if something else was the matter. That was when he pulled his hoodie down enough to show me his dreaded secret: A perm. Moms...why take your child's beautifully thick straight hair and do this business...?

This might be okay if you're a KPop star or, I don't know, a friggin' ANIME CHARACTER, but this barely looks passable on a grown man so why do this to your young child just because you're stuck in a time warp?

I don't mean to offend any guys out there with naturally curly/wavy hair. It's just the notion of imposing it on kids who don't want it but have no choice that I take umbrage. If you're a guy with wavy/curly hair, I have some middle-aged Korean women I'd like you to meet. 

4.) The sacrilege that is Darth Vader in your Olleh commercials

You guys know how much I love Star Wars so when I first saw this commercial on TV here, you can only imagine the thud with which my jaw hit the floor. I was so shocked that I swore that they couldn't have gotten Lucas' permission and just used Vader for their own devices. But upon second viewing, I saw it...that tell-tale logo on the bottom-right corner of the screen: TM and © Lucasfilm. George signed off on it. After I shook my fists in the general direction of Marin County, I proceeded to lament the use of Vader as a bungling, impatient citizen. Here we have one of the greatest villains ever created, who would force-choke a puppy if he could get the coordinates of the rebel base but now he's some dude standing in line to go to the bathroom behind a bunch of stormtroopers waiting their turn. If this wasn't bad enough, he "warps" himself into the women's bathroom by mistake! In other variations of this commercial, he is also seen saving a dog from being stuck in the middle of high-speed traffic and also trying to get a seat on the subway. See for yourself. You see what our people have done, Thomas?!?!

5.) The uber-feminization of men 

I have accepted the whole metrosexual thing. To some extent, it's great. I have no issues with men being clean-shaven, well-groomed, and caring about their attire. I kinda draw the line at MAN-icures but whatever, if you feel good afterwards, have at it. But they take it to another level here in Korea (Japan is guilty of this too). Men should NOT be prettier than women. Just, no. Unless you're a drag queen. That's a whole other thing. But if I'm looking at you and you're not trying to look like a woman but I CAN'T TELL, then there's a problem:

 
Most boy bands here are guilty of this, particularly the members of the group SHINee (three of which are pictured directly above). Okay, except Min-ho. I don't care what you say, he is cute! D'awwww!

As a side note, Kpop and Kdrama guys(?) were sporting the Justin Bieber 'do long before Justin Bieber. 

6.) Last But Not Least -- Popping your collar

Maybe another memo missed along with the acid-washed jeans note? I only just started noticing recently but I have been told that they've been doing this for a while. Or maybe they never stopped! I think we've come to realize that popping your collar these days just means your one big douchebag but it's all the rage here. I've even seen women do it with their polos. Babies aren't safe either. 

When I see this:
 

I actually see this:

 

Now I'm just waiting for this to happen -- the layered popped collars:

After all that, I feel I should include some things they're doing right (aside from the technology) that we should learn to emulate:
 
1.) Cheap, delicious food delivered for free

Most places that deliver are open to midnight or 2am and will deliver everything on their menu for NO TIP AND NO DELIVERY CHARGE. If you try to tip here, they look at you funny. Now, I understand that our service system relies heavily on tip-giving so I'm not trying to abolish that at all. I'm just saying, it's nice that when your food costs $6, the actual amount leaving your wallet is $6.  What kind of food do they deliver? It's not just fast food such as burgers, pizza, and fried chicken (they have McDonald's deliver 24 hours a day, which is highly dangerous). They deliver items such as soups, noodle dishes, bbq chicken or pork, and even just raw slabs of marinated or non-marinated meat that you can cook at home. It's awesome. I will miss this when I come home.


2.) Respect for the elderly, relation or no relation

Asians treat their elderly with, generally, more respect and reverence than some other nationalities. I was at the station the other day and a group of middle-schoolers were playing around and sliding down the metal stairway railing. An elderly man saw this, approached them, and chastised them saying it was dangerous and they could hurt themselves. Now, being an elderly person here in Korea affords you a lot of perks. Since they are respected, they tend to have an attitude and throw their age around. If you're walking and they need to get somewhere, they'll push you aside because, well, they're old and they can. They've earned it. So this man didn't say "You kids be careful now, you might get hurt playing on the railing like that." No, he went up to them and pretty much said, "Get offa there, you brats! You're gonna break your necks doing that sort of thing. Go find somewhere else to play!" Did these kids flip him off? Tell him to go eff himself and mind his own business? No. They bowed, apologized and went on their merry way.  I am not saying this happens across the board. I am sure there are exceptions to this rule as I have seen plenty of rude kids here also. But generally speaking, they are respectful to their elders.

3.) More school or after-school programs

I feel sorry for my students. They are in school almost all day. Once they are done with their regular public school, they come to ours (ours is a private academy) where they proceed to take two or three more classes. The older they are, the longer they are in school. The high school students who attend our academy are there until 9pm. This is a little much, in my opinion. They barely have time to eat or sleep after they get home and finish their assignments. Some even go to academies on Saturdays. When do they get to hang out with their friends? In school. When do they eat? Between classes.They don't have time to do much else except study. This system would never fly with the kids or maybe even some parents back in the States. When I tell my kids that American kids get to go home around 3 or 4 and they're done, I am met with groans of misery and envy. I would never want to foist this same system onto ours but I can tell you these kids are doing work at a higher level than their counterparts back home and they don't get into nearly as much trouble. They don't have the time or luxury to. 


List over.

Now that I've cracked the dry spell, I think I will be better inclined to update this blog more frequently. I have met so many great people here and I know that I'll call them friends long after I've moved back home. Just this past weekend, I went up to Seoul to meet a few of them for dinner and drinks and some chill out time. Here we are having a beer and some garlic chicken...

Now THAT'S a pitcher:

The heads of these drumsticks were bigger than my fist. It was super garlic-y and delicious. I was sweating garlic the rest of the night.

After dinner, we went to a pretty cool bar/lounge that had an outdoor deck. It was a lovely night in Seoul. This particular evening, the bar was having a "couples" event, kinda like speed-dating but not so systematic. We went anyway even though all of us already have significant others. $18 for all-you-can-drink beer/mixed drinks and food all night. Good deal. I think we ate and drank well over the cost.

There have been many other activities I've done and good food I've eaten with great folks but I think this installment has gone on long enough so I'll save that for the next one. I hope to write another one before August rolls around. Maybe even next week, GASP!!

Until then, I leave you with this little cutie....